Attached or in love?

Q: My partner wants to close the distance but I am not ready to move

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Q: Still love him but not in love?

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Question

I've been with my boyfriend for about 3 years now, and we've been doing the long distance thing for about a year. We're both from Colorado, but he's out in California for work. Lately, I've been feeling really insecure about our relationship... idk if it's the distance or what, but I feel like I'm holding on so tight because I'm scared of losing him, not necessarily because I'm in love with him. We talk all the time, but it feels like we're just going through the motions. I love him, I think, but I'm not sure if that's just because I'm attached to the idea of us. My family's always been really supportive of our relationship, and I feel like they'd be disappointed if we broke up... which is also making me feel stuck. I guess what I'm trying to say is... I don't know if my feelings are real or if I'm just attached to the comfort and security of having a boyfriend. haha, I sound crazy, I know.

Wei Xiaomei · Answer

I was in a similar situation with my fiancé, my parents arranged our marriage but we had to do long distance for a while. Maybe it is possible that you're feeling this way because of the distance, it can be really tough. We Chinese people value loyalty and commitment a lot, so it's natural to want to hold on. For me, what helped was having honest conversations with my fiancé about how I was feeling, and making time to do things together even when we're apart. Try scheduling regular video calls where you do something together, like watch a movie or cook a meal, it can help you feel more connected. Talk to your boyfriend about your insecurities, I think perhaps it'll help you figure out if it's just the distance or something more.

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