Boundary setting

Q: How do I stop being jealous of my partner friends of the opposite gender?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-i-stop-being-jealous-of-my-partner-friends-of-the-opposite-gender

Q: I have trust issues because of my parents relationship — how do I stop projecting?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/i-have-trust-issues-because-of-my-parents-relationship-how-do-i-stop-projecting

Q: My girlfriend hides her phone from me — should I be worried?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-girlfriend-hides-her-phone-from-me-should-i-be-worried

Q: My partner snooped through my journal and I feel violated

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-partner-snooped-through-my-journal-and-i-feel-violated

Q: He never says 'I love you' — is that normal?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/he-never-says-i-love-you-is-that-normal-d6tc4v

Question

I'm having a tough time with my wife, every time I try to set a boundary she starts crying and I end up apologizing, it's like I'm walking on eggshells around her, I want to give her the freedom she wants but my family log is always on my case about maintaining izzat, By the grace of Allah we've been married for 5 years and I love her dearly but this is taking a toll on me, I feel like I'm losing myself in the process of trying to keep her happy, when I try to talk to her about it she just says I'm being too restrictive and that I don't trust her, and then I'm stuck in this cycle of feeling guilty and apologizing even though I know I'm just trying to do what's right, I don't know how to make her understand that I'm coming from a good place, I feel like I'm failing her and my family and it's all just really overwhelming, I just wish she could see things from my perspective, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm struggling to find a balance between being a good husband and being a good son, and it's really hard for me to deal with the emotional fallout every time we have one of these conversations, I'm at my wit's end and I don't know what to do anymore

Joy Villaluz · Answer

my brother went through something similar with his wife, and what finally helped was setting one small boundary at a time — not during an argument, but when things were calm. he started with something simple like 'hey, I need an hour after work to unwind before we talk about anything heavy.' at first she got quiet, but he didn’t apologize. he just stayed kind but firm. ngl it felt brutal the first few times, but she started respecting it. what also helped was saying *why* he needed it — not 'you’re wrong for asking' but 'i’m better present when I’m not drained.' tried it myself with my own wife and it changed things. maybe sit down when you’re both relaxed and say 'I love you, and I need us to talk about how we talk — because I don’t want to keep hurting you or losing myself.' keep it about care, not control. took us a minute to get there, but now we actually check in instead of assuming. feels lighter 🤝

Boundary setting

Key Takeaways

1 Answer

People Also Ask

Share your experience