How do I stop being jealous of my partner friends of the opposite gender?

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Question

My boyfriend has a close female friend. They have known each other since childhood and their friendship is genuinely platonic as far as I can tell. But every time they hang out, I feel a pit in my stomach. I know this is a me problem. I have been cheated on before and I think that trauma is leaking into this healthy relationship. How do I work on this without being controlling?

Grace Kim · Accepted Answer

The fact that you recognize this is your own unresolved trauma is huge — most people never get there. A few things that helped me with the same issue:

1. Name it when it happens: "I am feeling jealous right now. This is my anxiety, not reality."
2. Do not ask for reassurance compulsively — it becomes addictive and never satisfies.
3. Get to know the friend. The "unknown" is what feeds jealousy. Once you see the friendship for what it is, the threat diminishes.
4. Consider therapy focused on attachment wounds. EMDR worked wonders for me.

Your boyfriend chose YOU. Every day he is with you is him choosing you again.

How do I stop being jealous of my partner friends of the opposite gender?

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