I have trust issues because of my parents relationship — how do I stop projecting?

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Question

I grew up watching my father cheat on my mother repeatedly. She stayed and it destroyed her emotionally. Now I am in my first serious relationship and I cannot stop expecting the worst. My partner has done nothing wrong, but I am constantly waiting for the betrayal. I know I am sabotaging something good. How do I break this cycle?

Grace Kim · Accepted Answer

What you are describing is called intergenerational trauma, and it is very real. Your nervous system learned early that "love = eventual betrayal." That wiring does not change just because you logically know your partner is different. Therapy — specifically trauma-focused therapy like EMDR or IFS — can help rewire those responses. In the meantime, be honest with your partner about your history. Not as an excuse, but as context. Vulnerability builds the trust you are afraid to give.

Anonymous · Answer

I dealt with this exact thing. My therapist taught me to ask: "Is this fear based on what is happening RIGHT NOW, or what happened to me BEFORE?" 90 percent of the time, the fear was historical, not present. Learning to separate past from present was the most important skill in my healing.

I have trust issues because of my parents relationship — how do I stop projecting?

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