Can I really say no to marrying my cousin?

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Question

So my parents have been pushing this for years but it’s getting real now. My cousin Amir — we grew up together, like same house during Eid, same school trips — and now they’re talking about nikah next year. I dont even like him like that. I mean he’s nice but every time my mom brings it up i feel this knot in my stomach, like legit nausea. Last week i almost threw up after she showed me wedding dresses she saved on her phone.

Im 26 and it’s not like i havent tried dating anyone else. I had this thing with a guy last year, Sam, we were close to getting serious but my mom found out and cried for two days saying i was disrespecting the family. She says no one else will want me if i dont do this, that it’s my duty. My dad just stays quiet but gives me these sad looks like he knows something i dont.

I love them but this feels wrong. I cant imagine waking up next to Amir forever. Sometimes i lay in bed and just cry thinking about it. I want my own life, my own choices. Is that so bad? I’ve started seeing a therapist but dont know how to actually break this to them. What if they disown me? I cant lose them but i also cant do this

Theo Laurent · Answer

My aunt tried to push me into marrying my cousin too — same deal, grew up at the same gatherings, same family trips. I said yes at first just to keep the peace but i started having panic attacks before every family meetup. What finally helped was sitting down with my mom with a glass of tea & saying straight up: i respect him but i dont feel that way & i cant fake it for a lifetime.

I know it feels impossible but you’ve got options. Start documenting how you feel in notes on your phone — that made it real when i showed it to my parents later. Also talk to someone neutral you trust, like a teacher or family friend who isnt invested. I showed mine a therapist’s number & said “if you want me to go, fine, but i need to talk to someone.”

They backed off when they saw how much it was messing with my mental health. You dont have to throw up in your mom’s car to prove its serious. You’re allowed to want more

Can I really say no to marrying my cousin?

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