Can love survive if my parents say no?

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Question

been with my partner for 2 years, met during uni days. they’re not Malay, not Muslim either. we never planned too far ahead but lately it’s hitting me — my parents won’t accept it. they already asking why i not bringing anyone home, hinting at cousins, family dinners getting awkward. i know what they want — same race, same faith, the whole package. but every time i imagine life without my partner, it just… hurts. tried dropping hint once, said i dating someone. Mum just smiled and said 'oh, one day you’ll find a good Malay girl', like i didn’t even speak. felt very the dismissed. don’t want to lie but don’t want to lose them either. partner knows situation but keeps saying ‘we’ll figure it out’ like it’s that simple. but it’s not. what if i have to choose? go already and try to live my way, or stay and feel half-alive? dunno how people do this liddat.

Pavan Desai · Answer

my sister went through this with her Japanese boyfriend. same deal — parents wanted a Malay Muslim guy, full stop. she kept quiet for months pretending everything was fine but it was eating her up. what helped was when she finally sat down with her mum not with demands but just… stories. told her how he makes her laugh how he waited outside exams for her how he learned to say bismillah before eating at her place. didn’t fix everything overnight but it opened the door.

i know it’s scary but try small things first. maybe your partner writes your parents a card? simple. respectful. no pressure. or invite them to coffee just one parent at a time. my mum thought she’d hate my boyfriend but after he brought her kuih from that one stall she likes? attitude shifted. people soften when they see care even if it looks different.

and ngl it’s gonna hurt either way — losing your family’s peace or losing your person. but you don’t have to choose yet. start by letting them see who he really is. one step. then another. it’s not hopeless. my sister’s married now. her in-laws call my mum ‘kakak’ for goodness sake.

Can love survive if my parents say no?

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