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Question

I'm really unsure about this. My girlfriend checks in on me every hour when I'm out with friends, says it's because she cares and is worried about me. But honestly, it feels suffocating. We've been together for 2 years, and at first, it was sweet, but now it's just too much. Like last Saturday, I was at a bar with friends from 8 pm to 1 am, and she called me 3 times, and texted me 5 times in between. She even showed up at the bar at 12:30 am, saying she was in the area and wanted to 'surprise' me. I feel like I'm losing my freedom, and when I try to talk to her about it, she gets defensive and says I'm being paranoid. I love her, but this is getting to me. She's done this 14 times in 3 months, and I don't know how to make her see that it's not concern, it's control. I just want some space

Terence Chia · Answer

my ex used to do something similar and i thought it was romantic at first too but after a while i couldnt breathe like legit felt like i was being watched all the time i started dreading nights out because i knew i’d have to report in every hour or deal with the passive aggressive texts later  so what i did was pull her aside one day not during a fight and said hey i love that you care about me but this hourly check in thing is stressing me out it makes me feel like i’m doing something wrong just by hanging with my friends i told her i’d still text her when i got home or send a silly drunk pic if she wanted proof i was alive but the constant calls and showing up unannounced had to stop it wasn’t easy she got defensive at first but we talked through it and things got better after a few weeks give it a shot your needs matter too and love shouldn’t feel like surveillance

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