Family wants huge bride price, my boyfriend can't pay

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Question

so my parents have been pushing this thing about bride price forever. like yeah i get it’s tradition but they quoted 25 lakhs for my hand — 25 lakhs! my boyfriend, rahul, he’s a teacher. sweetest guy, treats me like gold, we’ve been together since college. when they told him the number he just… shut down. i could see it in his eyes. he said he’d never be able to afford that even in 10 years. my dad straight up told him “you’re not serious about her if you can’t pay” which is so messed up.

they’re now saying i should wait for an arranged match where the guy can afford it. even pushed this one dude on me whose kundli matched “perfectly” but i don’t even like him. rahul’s willing to do a court marriage but i’m scared. what if my family disowns me? i don’t wanna lose them but i also can’t imagine life without him. is it wrong to want to be with someone who loves me instead of selling myself? ugh i’m so stressed i cry every night. help.

Ravi Iyer · Answer

my cousin went through the same thing — her parents wanted 20 lakhs and her boyfriend was a pharmacist, solid guy but no way he could touch that number. she sat her parents down and said look, if love can’t pay this price, what’s the point? took weeks of talking, crying, even a family priest got involved. what finally worked was her saying she’d walk away — and meaning it.

you know rahul loves you. that look in his eyes? i’ve seen that on my brother’s face when he thought he’d lose the girl he loved over the same crap. don’t let a number steal your future. talk to your parents alone — no drama, just truth. tell them you’ll respect them forever but you’re choosing your life. offer something symbolic instead, even 50k with rituals, make it about honor not cash.

and if they won’t budge? plan your own wedding. my cousin did. small hall, home-cooked food, invited only the people who actually cared. her dad didn’t come — hurt like hell — but she says she’d do it again

Family wants huge bride price, my boyfriend can't pay

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