Found flirty texts on my partner's phone?

Q: Stuck in a situationship for 2 years — how do I get out?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/stuck-in-a-situationship-for-2-years-how-do-i-get-out

Q: Can a friends-with-benefits situation ever turn into a real relationship?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/can-a-friends-with-benefits-situation-ever-turn-into-a-real-relationship

Q: Why do people say "I am not looking for anything serious" and then act like they are?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/why-do-people-say-i-am-not-looking-for-anything-serious-and-then-act-like-they-are

Q: Why won’t he call me his girlfriend in public?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/why-wont-he-call-me-his-girlfriend-in-public-7gtuds

Q: Married for love... was I wrong?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/married-for-love-was-i-wrong-ui6sq0

Question

So I was borrowing my partner’s phone last night to text my sister, and their messages with a coworker popped up. I didn’t mean to snoop, but one said, 'I can’t stop thinking about you… last Friday was fun ;)'. Then another: 'You’re trouble… and I’m into it'. Like… wtf? We’ve been together 8 months and I thought things were going well. They stay late at work “finishing up,” and now I’m wondering if that’s all it was.

I showed them the messages and they said it was just banter, that this person flirts with everyone, and I’m overreacting. Tbh, I don’t know if I want to believe that. We’re not officially “exclusive” or whatever, but we’ve acted like we’re a couple—meet their friends, sleep over every weekend, even talked about moving in. Ngl, it hurts. I keep replaying every little thing, like how they text back fast when that person messages but take hours with me sometimes.

Do I have a right to be upset? Or am I blowing this out of proportion because we never put a label on it? Idk, just feels messy.

Luna Hernandez · Answer

Yeah that gut punch when you see those texts — been there. My partner had similar messages with a colleague last year. They said it was just joking around but the way it made me feel? That mattered more than the texts themselves.

I didn’t freak out — instead I waited till I was calm and said, “Those messages made me feel like I’m not the priority. Can we talk about what’s actually going on?” Turns out they were craving attention — not planning to cheat — but hadn’t noticed how far we’d drifted. We started weekly check-ins, no phones, just real talk. Helped a lot.

If your partner’s staying late often and texting like that — it’s not just about the coworker. It’s about whether your relationship feels exciting or safe or both — and right now you’re feeling neither. Ask them: “Are you happy with us?” Not accusatory — curious. Their answer might surprise you — and so might what you decide after.

Found flirty texts on my partner's phone?

Key Takeaways

1 Answer

People Also Ask

Share your experience