He blames me for things I didn’t do

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Question

Last night, my boyfriend got mad because he thought I read his messages without permission. I didn’t even touch his phone. When I tried to explain, he said I’m always defensive and too sensitive. It’s not the first time. Last week, he accused me of ignoring his calls when I was actually at my father’s house dealing with… family stuff. I didn’t want to argue so I just stayed quiet, but it is not good. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. If I react, I’m overreacting. If I stay quiet, I’m cold. My parents never approved of us, and now sometimes I wonder if they were right, not because of who he is but… the situation has become difficult. I don’t know if this is something that can change or if I’m just making excuses for him. I keep thinking maybe I’m the problem, but then why does it hurt so much to talk to him? I just…

Anonymous · Answer

I think maybe you should talk to him when he's calm, perhaps over dinner or something. I had a similar thing with my wife, she left me a note and I found it two days later, it was pretty rough. It might be that he's stressed about something else and taking it out on you. I wonder if trying to explain yourself when he's angry is gonna work, maybe just wait till he's chill and then bring it up. Just be honest and direct, don't let him make you feel like you're the one who's always wrong, that's not fair.

He blames me for things I didn’t do

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