He blames me for things I didn’t do, what now?

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Question

So we’ve been doing long distance for 8 months, him in London for work, me in Singapore. Last week, he accused me of not replying to his text fast enough — but I literally replied within an hour, after work. He said I was ‘testing’ him and that I don’t care. When I tried to explain, he told me I’m too sensitive and overreacting. This isn’t the first time. Two weeks ago, he said I was flirting with my coworker just because I liked his meme on WhatsApp. I didn’t even say anything back! When I get upset, he shuts down or says I’m dramatic. Grandma keeps asking when we’re getting married, even planned a thing with the matchmaker already — she keeps saying, 'Girl, at your age, can’t wait liddat.' But how do I marry someone who twists things and then says *I’m* the problem? I keep quiet because I don’t want to make it worse, but it’s draining me leh. Feels like I’m walking on eggshells all the time sia.

Hui Fen Lau · Answer

I've been in a similar situation before and honestly it's exhausting when someone keeps blaming you for things that aren't your fault. What worked for me was setting clear boundaries and not engaging in arguments when I know I'm right. Next time he accuses you of something try not to explain yourself too much, just tell him how his words make you feel and that you don't appreciate being blamed... it's not about being sensitive, it's about being respected. If this keeps happening it might be time to reevaluate the relationship and think about what you deserve from a partner

He blames me for things I didn’t do, what now?

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