He says I'm his everything but I'm always giving in

Q: My parents disapprove of my interracial relationship — should I choose love or family?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-parents-disapprove-of-my-interracial-relationship-should-i-choose-love-or-family

Q: Should I marry someone I do not love but my family approves of?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/should-i-marry-someone-i-do-not-love-but-my-family-approves-of

Q: My mother-in-law is ruining my marriage and my husband will not set boundaries

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-mother-in-law-is-ruining-my-marriage-and-my-husband-will-not-set-boundaries

Q: How do I talk to my arranged match?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-i-talk-to-my-arranged-match-omt2mo

Q: Is attachment the same as love?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/is-attachment-the-same-as-love-ycz5fe

Question

We’ve been married ten years. He tells me every night, 'You are the love of my life,' and I believe him, I think. But when it comes to decisions? Big ones, small ones — like where we go for dinner, whether I can visit my sister, even how we raise our son — I end up bending. Always. Last month, his mother suggested we move in with them. I didn’t want to. I said no, quietly. But he kept saying, 'Please, just for harmony,' and I gave in. Now we’re here, walls too thin, my space gone. I make tea for everyone, listen, nod. He says I’m strong, but I feel… hollow. I asked him once, 'Why do I always have to be the one adjusting?' He looked surprised. Said he didn’t see it that way. Maybe I’m too quiet. Maybe I should push more. But it is not good to cause waves. Still… I think maybe I’m disappearing. Is this just marriage? Or am I wrong to want more?

Dominic Cruz · Answer

My husband used to say I was his whole world too — right before I’d cave on everything. Sound familiar? It took me years to see it: love shouldn’t feel this heavy. I was always the one adjusting — meals, plans, even my tone so he wouldn’t get quiet on me. Then one day I snapped — over *dishes* of all things — and finally said no. Just no. And guess what? The sky didn’t fall.

Start small. Pick one thing this week — not even a big fight, just something tiny — and hold your ground. Want to visit your sister? Say it like it’s already planned. “I’m driving up Saturday.” Watch what happens. Most of the time they’ll grumble but adjust — they just need to see you’re serious.

And that tea you’re making for everyone? Make one for yourself first — and sit down with it. Not as a break but as a rule. You exist too. I had to rebuild that with actual minutes on the calendar. 10 at first. Then 20. Then a whole damn afternoon. Try it

He says I'm his everything but I'm always giving in

Key Takeaways

1 Answer

People Also Ask

Share your experience