He says I'm his soulmate but I'm always giving in

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Question

From a logical standpoint, if someone calls you their soulmate — someone they’ve told their parents is ‘the one’ — you’d think things like weekend plans or whose family to visit at Christmas would feel like teamwork, right? But every time it comes up — and it comes up a lot — I’m the one adjusting, whether it’s skipping my sister’s birthday for his father’s quiet dinner or staying up alone because he ‘needs his space’ after work, even though I’ve had a rough day too. Last week we had tickets to a concert I’d been looking forward to, and at the last minute his friend needed a ride, so we left early — and then he was upset *I* wasn’t in the mood anymore. When I brought it up, he just said, ‘But you know you’re the love of my life, Tobias,’ like that should make it all balance out. Objectively speaking — if love is supposed to be equal, why do I feel like I’m constantly folding myself smaller? His mom keeps asking when we’ll start a family, and I keep saying ‘soon’ because I don’t want to admit I’m not even sure we’re on the same page, let alone the same page about how a relationship actually works.

Senthil Kumar · Answer

My ex called me his soulmate too — said I was ‘the missing piece’ while I kept folding myself into smaller & smaller shapes just to fit. Sound familiar? It took me months to realize: love that’s truly equal doesn’t leave you constantly exhausted from giving in. When we’d argue about holidays, I’d back down ‘to keep the peace’ — but the peace never lasted, just my resentment. Started small: I picked the restaurant *once*, said no to a family thing, asked for a real check-in after a hard day. First time I did it, he acted like the world was ending. But I stayed calm, stuck to it. Turns out, he started meeting me halfway — not because he magically changed, but because I finally gave him a boundary to respect. You don’t have to leave to demand balance. Try this: next time he wants his space after work, say ‘cool, I need mine too — I’ll catch you after I unwind’. See what happens. Real partnership isn’t one person always stretching to fill the gap

He says I'm his soulmate but I'm always giving in

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