I emotionally cheated and I cannot forgive myself

Q: I found out my partner has a dating profile — we have been together for a year

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/i-found-out-my-partner-has-a-dating-profile-we-have-been-together-for-a-year

Q: How do you rebuild trust after your partner cheated?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-you-rebuild-trust-after-your-partner-cheated

Q: Can a relationship survive infidelity if both partners want it to?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/can-a-relationship-survive-infidelity-if-both-partners-want-it-to

Q: Is this love or just a perfect act?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/is-this-love-or-just-a-perfect-act-2eamtr

Q: He promised to come back after 2 years… it's been 5

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/he-promised-to-come-back-after-2-years-its-been-5-t2m6tz

Question

I developed feelings for a coworker while in a committed relationship. Nothing physical happened, but we had deeply intimate conversations, shared things I have never told my partner, and I looked forward to seeing this person more than my own girlfriend. I ended it and cut contact when I realized what was happening. But the guilt is eating me alive. Should I tell my girlfriend? Or will that just hurt her for no reason?

Alice Johnson · Accepted Answer

The fact that you recognized it and stopped speaks well of your character. Whether to tell her is genuinely complicated. Some therapists say honesty is always the answer; others say confessing can be selfish if it transfers your guilt onto her without a constructive outcome. What matters more is: WHY did it happen? What was missing in your relationship that made you vulnerable to this? Address the root cause. If you cannot do that alone, a therapist can help you process both the guilt and the underlying issues.

Kate Morales · Answer

I disagree with the "never tell" approach. Your girlfriend deserves the truth, even if it is hard. If you keep it secret, you are making the decision FOR her about what she can handle. That is not respect — it is control disguised as protection. Let her decide what she wants to do with the information.

I emotionally cheated and I cannot forgive myself

Key Takeaways

2 Answers

People Also Ask

Share your experience