He says I'm his soulmate but I'm always giving in

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Question

We’ve been together 3 years and he STILL says I’m the love of his life — like, full on tells me I’m his soulmate, we’re meant to be, all that. But every single fight? I’m the one backing down. Last week we argued about his mom staying too long during visits — I was stressed, needed space, but he guilted me into letting her stay another 5 days. Said if I really loved him I’d ‘step up.’ And I did. Again. It’s always me adjusting my schedule, my mood, even my tone so he doesn’t get defensive. When I tried talking about it, he said I’m being ‘too sensitive’ and that I overthink everything. But I’m tired. I don’t feel like a partner — I feel like the person holding it all together while he stays comfortable. Is this normal? Or am I just expecting too much? He’s not abusive or mean — just... never meets me halfway. And now I’m questioning if I even know what love is supposed to feel like —

Alex Nguyen · Answer

So I was in a relationship like that — same 'you're my soulmate' speeches, same pattern of me folding every time. It took me a year to realize: love shouldn’t feel this exhausting. I kept making excuses for him, just like you’re doing. But here’s what changed: I started saying what I *actually* wanted, not what I thought he could handle. First time I did it? I told him no, flat out, about something small — weekend plans — and he sulked. But I held the line. It felt scary, like I was tearing fabric, but after a few times, something shifted. He started listening.

Try this: next time he pushes, don’t explain or soften it. Just say 'I need this' or 'I can’t do that' — no apologies. Like, 'I love you, but I can’t have your mom stay longer. I need space.' Watch what happens. If he guilt trips you? Say, 'I hear you, but my answer’s still no.'

I know it’s hard. I cried doing it. lol But the real test isn’t how much you can sacrifice — it’s whether he steps up too. You deserve that.

He says I'm his soulmate but I'm always giving in

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