He says I'm his soulmate but I'm always giving in

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Question

We’ve been together 4 years and he keeps saying I’m the love of his life the one he’s waited for but every decision ends with me bending. Last month his parents wanted us to attend some cousin’s wedding in Bursa I didn’t want to go I had plans with my sister he said he’d support me but then pulled me aside and asked me to please come for his sake I gave in. Then last week he canceled our anniversary dinner last minute for a work thing didn’t even ask me first just told me and I nodded like it was fine but I cried in the bathroom after. When I brought it up he got quiet then said he doesn’t want to lose me and I’m the most important person to him but it feels empty when I’m always the one adjusting my plans my moods my needs. My dad always said real love means sacrifice but I’m starting to wonder if I’m disappearing. He’s not abusive or cold but I feel lonely even when we’re together. My mom says just be patient a good partner stays through thick and thin but I don’t know how much more I can shrink

Jade Wilson · Answer

My ex used to call me his everything too — said I was his person, the one he’d never let go of. Sound familiar? But I was always the one changing plans, quieting my needs, pretending it was fine. It wasn’t.

I finally sat down and wrote out the last 10 times we made a decision together. Just listing them showed me how lopsided it was. I brought it up not with anger but sadness — showed him the list and said, *“I love you but I’m disappearing.”*

Try that. Write it out. Not to throw it in his face, but so you can see it clear. Then talk — not about the wedding or the dinner, but about how you keep ending up second.

And next time he asks you to bend, pause. Say “Let me think about it” instead of yes. Even if you still go, make it a real choice, not a default.

I stayed too long thinking love meant sacrifice. Turned out, it just meant I was tired all the time. You deserve better

He says I'm his soulmate but I'm always giving in

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