He’s at war and I’m falling apart
I don’t even know where to start. My husband deployed six weeks ago with the reserves… we didn’t expect this, not now, not so sudden. We’d just redecorated the bedroom, finally got into a rhythm with us again after the baby. And now—nothing. No calls, no messages, I text every day but it’s like shouting into a void. I keep his pillow next to mine, still smells like him a little but not enough. I can’t eat, honestly the thought makes me sick, and when I do force something down I just stare at the ceiling all night. Our bed feels huge and cold even in summer. We were finally feeling close again and now I just miss him so bad it hurts… like a physical ache. I keep replaying our last night together, wondering if I said enough, if I held him long enough. I don’t know how to be ok without knowing he’s ok. And I hate that I’m stuck here feeling this needy but I can’t help it. How do I survive this loneliness when even our bed feels broken