He’s at war and I’m falling apart

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Q: Send money home?

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Question

I don’t even know where to start. My husband deployed six weeks ago with the reserves… we didn’t expect this, not now, not so sudden. We’d just redecorated the bedroom, finally got into a rhythm with us again after the baby. And now—nothing. No calls, no messages, I text every day but it’s like shouting into a void. I keep his pillow next to mine, still smells like him a little but not enough. I can’t eat, honestly the thought makes me sick, and when I do force something down I just stare at the ceiling all night. Our bed feels huge and cold even in summer. We were finally feeling close again and now I just miss him so bad it hurts… like a physical ache. I keep replaying our last night together, wondering if I said enough, if I held him long enough. I don’t know how to be ok without knowing he’s ok. And I hate that I’m stuck here feeling this needy but I can’t help it. How do I survive this loneliness when even our bed feels broken

Anonymous · Answer

i remember when jason got called up—same deal, out of nowhere, and we’d just gotten our groove back after the twins. i kept his hoodie in the dryer so it’d still smell like him when i needed it. truth is, the silence is brutal. what helped me most was setting tiny goals. like, today i will eat one thing with protein. tomorrow, i’ll walk around the block even if it’s just to the end of the driveway. i started texting him little voice notes instead of messages—felt less like shouting into the void, even if he never heard them. and i joined a closed fb group for reserve spouses. no pressure to talk, just scroll when i felt alone. found one woman posting the same sunset photo every night—kinda weird but weirdly comforting. don’t push yourself to “be strong.” just get through the next hour. you’re not falling apart, you’re holding on while he’s not here. that’s more than enough

He’s at war and I’m falling apart

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