how do we adopt when our families won’t support us?

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Question

my partner jesse and i have been together 6 years and we’re finally ready to start adopting but honestly it’s tearing me apart because neither of our families are on board. my mom says it’s "not natural" and jesse’s parents flat out told him we’d be terrible parents just for being gay. we’ve talked to a lawyer and we’re financially stable we have a house with a backyard jesse even quit smoking for the home study. but every time we celebrate a step forward it feels ruined by their comments like we’re doing something wrong for wanting this. we keep hearing "think about the kid" like we havent thought about it every single day for years. i love jesse i know we can give a kid a good home but i dont know how to keep pushing when the people who are supposed to love us most keep pulling us back. sometimes i wonder if we should just wait until they come around but what if they never do? we dont want to raise a child in all this negativity but we also cant keep putting our lives on hold. how do you build a family when the one you came from wont accept it. also how do you not resent them for it.

Sophia Martinez · Answer

My wife and I adopted our daughter three years ago and our parents were brutal at first. My mom said she couldnt love a child who isnt 'really' related to me. Like can people just shut up? What helped us was building our own village—our social worker, a local LGBTQ+ parenting group, even our dog walker became part of the team. We made a list of everyone who *did* support us (turns out it was way longer than we thought). Jesse quitting smoking? That’s love in action. Your home study people will see that. So screw what they say at holiday dinners—those opinions dont get a seat at your family table. We started doing birthdays at the park with just us and our chosen family. Feels better anyway. You’re already doing the hard work. Keep going

how do we adopt when our families won’t support us?

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