She says she loves me but wont commit

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Question

We've been seeing each other for eight months. She stays at my place more than her own, we travel, meet friends, even her mother knows me — she calls me her 'special one'. But every time I ask about us being official, she says 'I love you, but I'm not ready for a relationship.' What does that even mean? In our culture, if you love someone, you build something. You dont just float. My babushka says love without action is just words. I'm not some boy — I'm 32, people at work are marrying, having kids. I want to plan. But she pulls back, says she needs space, then texts me at night like nothing happened. I cant keep living in this half-thing. From my experience — when someone keeps you at arm’s length while taking your time, your bed, your feelings — they’re comfortable, not serious. But maybe Im too hard on her? Or am I just seeing red flags I ignored because I wanted it to work?

Kim Wei Ong · Answer

Man i felt the same when i was dating my wife before we got back together in sg. Eight months and you're already family-level close but she still won't call it a relationship? That's not floating — that's limbo leh. When i was in the states everyone dated like it was a Netflix subscription no pressure no labels. But here? Love means showing up. And if she's using 'I love you' to keep things warm but won't commit its not fair to you. I told my girl straight: 'Either we move towards something real or i have to walk. Cannot keep pretending this is enough.' Took her three weeks to decide but she came back with a ring box. You don't have to be dramatic but you do have to speak up. Say what you need. If she still won't meet you there after that? Then she loves you but cannot make it lah. And you deserve better than almost ❤️

She says she loves me but wont commit

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