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Intimacy & Desire

He's perfect on paper but I feel nothing?

1

We’ve been together 8 months. He moved in after 5 – which felt fast, but his family was pushing and my parents said it’s practical so we did it. He’s stable, clean, pays bills on time, proposed last weekend with a ring that cost exactly 3 months’ salary – he told me that like it was a rule. We have sex every Friday, 9:15pm, condom always used because he says we’re not ready for kids. It’s fine. Not bad. Just… there’s no pull. I don’t miss him when he’s gone. When he kisses me goodbye at the door I’m already thinking about my grocery list. He said I seem distant. I said I’m just focused. But honestly? I don’t know if I want to be touched – not because I’m upset, just because it doesn’t move me. My brother said maybe I’m scared of emotion because Germans don’t show it – but that feels like an excuse. When my mum talks about my dad she lights up. I don’t feel that. Is it me? Or is there something missing that should be there?

  • Desire
  • Intimacy
  • advice-needed

L
Asked by

Laura Schmidt

20 rep
12 days ago
10 views
1 answer
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Key Takeaways

  • My cousin was with a guy like that — total checklist king.

1 Answer

  1. 0

    R

    Ravi Iyer

    10 rep
    12 days ago

    My cousin was with a guy like that — total checklist king. On paper? flawless. But she said being with him felt like folding laundry. Necessary but nobody’s heart in it. I get why you did the practical thing moving in and all but eight months of just… fine? that’s a red flag. I dated someone similar — sex like clockwork, plans down to the minute — and I didn’t realize how numb I’d gotten until I saw him laughing with a barista and thought wait why don’t we ever laugh like that. Try this: take a weekend solo trip. Not a big one just two nights somewhere with no cell service. No “thinking about him” no texting. Just see how it feels to miss someone who’s not even trying to be missed. When I did that I realized I wasn’t missing my ex at all and that scared me straight. Also tell him how you feel not the soft version. Say “I don’t feel a pull and I need to know if that ever changes” and watch his reaction. If he pulls out a spreadsheet to fix it you’ll have your answer

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