How do I choose between my heart and my family?

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Question

So my parents found this girl… family knows family, Delhi girl, same background, all that. They’re already talking engagement and I can tell they’re serious. Honestly, she’s nice — educated, calm, all the boxes ticked. But here’s the thing… I’ve been seeing someone else for months now. Met her at a gig last year. She’s Punjabi, divorced, sings in a band. My parents would lose it. Like full-on drama, maybe even cut me off. She’s not ‘settled’ enough for them. But with her… it’s different. We fight, we laugh, stay up talking nonsense. It actually feels real. With the other girl, it’s just polite convo and silence. Actually, I don’t even know how to tell my parents no. They’ve been pushing for years and now they think it’s sorted. But every time I think about saying yes to this match, my chest tightens… like I’m signing up for a life that looks good on paper but feels empty. And if I choose her, what then? They’ll never accept it. Am I just being selfish? Or is it fair to want something they won’t approve of… even if it means losing their peace?

Anonymous · Answer

walao, this hit home. my parents were very the typical about ‘suitable’ girls too. i dated my BF in secret for a year — hid phones, lied about meetups, the whole thing. what helped was giving them small truths slowly. started bringing him around as a ‘friend’, let them see he’s respectful, stable. took time, but they saw he treats me well. with your girl, maybe don’t drop the bomb yet. build bridges first. tell your parents little things — how she’s kind, responsible, that she’s rebuilding her life. show them her character, not just the label. and talk to her. really talk. you both need to be ready for the mess it might get. my parents still grumble sometimes, but they can’t deny he makes me happy. that matters more than ticking boxes. ❤️

How do I choose between my heart and my family?

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