How do I confront my wife about hiding purchases?

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Question

So last night I was going through our bank account to pay bills and I saw a $400 charge from a home decor store I don’t recognize and when I asked her about it she said oh that was just a small rug I got it was like $80 and I’m like wait what because I can see the receipt and it’s literally four times that and then she said okay fine I bought a few other things but it’s not a big deal we can afford it but it’s not about the money it’s the lying that kills me we’ve argued about this before she does this every few weeks small things at first like clothes or shoes but now it’s hundreds of dollars and she swears she’s not addicted to shopping or whatever but why hide it then why lie about the amount? I feel like I’m being treated like the bad guy for even caring about our budget we agreed on one and now I’m scared to check the account because I know there’s stuff she’s not telling me and it makes me feel so alone like I’m married to someone who doesn’t trust me with the truth and it’s making me resent her which I hate saying out loud but it’s true I found a mystery amazon order delivered to her sister’s house last month lol idk if that’s the same thing but it all adds up and I just don’t know how to bring it up without another fight

Layla Hassan · Answer

My wife did this too — started with little things, then bam, a $500 hole in the budget and a straight-up lie about it. Took me a minute to realize it wasn’t really about the stuff. It was the trust thing. What helped us? Sitting down *without* the bank app open in front of her — came off too accusatory last time, big mistake. Instead, I said something like, "I saw the charge and when you said it was $80, I felt kinda blindsided. That part hurts more than the money." Gave her space to explain. Turned out she was stressed, decorating to feel control, but didn’t wanna fight about spending so she downplayed it. We set up a dumb little rule after: anything over $100, just a heads-up text. No interrogation. Feels lighter now. Oh, and we check accounts together every Sunday with coffee. Not fun, but it works. People mess up, but lying? That’s the salt in the wound. Gotta talk *with* her, not at her. lol

How do I confront my wife about hiding purchases?

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