How do I fix us after cheating when we've changed so much?

Q: I emotionally cheated and I cannot forgive myself

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/i-emotionally-cheated-and-i-cannot-forgive-myself

Q: I found out my partner has a dating profile — we have been together for a year

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Q: How do you rebuild trust after your partner cheated?

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Q: Can a relationship survive infidelity if both partners want it to?

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Q: He promised to come back after 2 years… it's been 5

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Question

So my boyfriend and I have been together for six years almost since college. Last year I had a one night thing with an old friend after a reunion it meant nothing but he was wrecked. We went to counseling and he said he wanted to stay but things have been… off. Like we used to finish each other’s sentences now we just scroll on our phones at dinner. He’s 32 I’m 27 and lately it feels like we’re growing into different people. He wants weekend hikes and saving for a house I’m still figuring out who I am you know?

I miss the way we used to laugh about stupid stuff like that time we got lost in Pittsburgh and ate gas station sushi. But now even when we try to talk it turns into either silence or we end up fighting about the past.

Last week he said maybe we should take a break and I panicked. I still love him but I don’t know if the person he wants to be with is even me anymore.

How do you come back from cheating when life’s already pulling you in different directions

Olivia Chen · Answer

I've been in a similar spot, my ex and I were together for years and after a rough patch we just didn't feel like us anymore, we'd grown apart and it was hard to reconcile the people we used to be with who we were becoming... I think what helped me was having real conversations about what we wanted, not just assuming we were on the same page, so try talking to your boyfriend about what you want out of life, what your goals are, and see if you can find some common ground, and honestly it might be helpful to take a break from the counseling for a bit and just focus on rebuilding your connection, do stuff you both love, have dinner without your phones, just be together and see if that spark is still there

How do I fix us after cheating when we've changed so much?

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