How do I fix us after the baby changed everything?

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Question

Okay so before we had our daughter everything was solid me & Alex, like really solid we were that couple that finished each other’s sentences you know? We’d been together 6 years, both of us out & proud, planned the whole thing with IVF it was supposed to be this beautiful next chapter but instead it feels like we got handed a completely different script. I’m not sleeping more than 2 hours at a time and he’s withdrawn like he’s checked out emotionally, we don’t laugh anymore we just survive. Last week I found a bunch of flirty texts on his phone from some guy at work and when I called him on it he said it meant nothing but that’s not the point — the point is we used to tell each other everything now I feel like I’m raising this baby alone & he’s just a roommate who sometimes smiles at her. I don’t even feel sexy or wanted anymore I feel invisible. i started wondering if he’d already emotionally left before the baby even came & this is just the fallout but I don’t know how to even bring it up without starting a fight we can’t afford right now. we used to be so close how did we get here & more importantly can we get back?

Sophia Martinez · Answer

Honestly we hit the same wall two months after our second was born I thought we were done we just existed in shifts like roommates not partners and I hated it I started leaving little sticky notes on his side of the bed like dumb stuff "you looked hot loading the dishwasher" or "remember that time we got lost in pittsburgh?" just to remind him I still saw him not just the diaper dude then one exhausted night he wrote back "I miss your laugh" and I swear that tiny note cracked something open we started doing 10-minute coffee walks no baby just us walking around the block with takeout cups and talking about anything but poop schedules one step at a time it wasn’t magic but it was something and slowly we found our rhythm again it’s not the same as before and idk maybe it never will be but it can still be good

How do I fix us after the baby changed everything?

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