How do I get myself back after losing me?

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Question

I used to hike every weekend, had my own little routine, you know? Then I met Mark and everything just kinda shifted. We got married fast, moved in together, and suddenly I’m canceling plans with friends to stay in with him and his mom who lives nearby. She’s nice but it’s too much we’re always doing family stuff together and I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I stopped going to the gym, haven’t seen my trail buddies in months, and the other day I caught myself mimicking his mom’s way of talking and it creeped me out. I tried bringing it up and he said I’m overthinking but it’s not just that it’s like I don’t know what I want anymore except that I want to want something. I used to love my alone time I used to need it and now I’m just floating through his life like a guest and I miss me. I don’t even know where to start. Should I just take a weekend alone or would that make things worse

Jason Poh · Answer

happened to me when i married dan. i loved painting, went to open mics, was always doing something solo or with my crew. then suddenly it was all about us, us, us — dinners with his parents, weekend trips with cousins, i even started saying 'y'all' like his family (i’m from new england! what even). ngl, i didn’t realize how much i’d faded until i saw an old photo of myself covered in clay from pottery class and went cold.

what helped? i blocked off one day a week — sundays — just for me. no excuses. started small: coffee alone, then a walk, then finally a solo hike. told mark it’s non-negotiable, like a doctor’s appt. also, i started saying 'i used to do this thing, and i miss it' instead of apologizing. like 'i used to hike every week and tbh i really wanna get back into it.' took a month, then two, and slowly i felt like me again.

you don’t have to leave anyone to find yourself. just carve out space, even if it feels weird at first.

How do I get myself back after losing me?

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