how do i get over finding out my long-distance boyfriend watches milfs?

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Question

okay so last week i was on his laptop downloading a movie he sent me (he sent it through a link, not a file, long story) and i accidentally opened his browser history. big mistake. like, really bad. not only was there a ton of porn, but it was all this creepy stepmom/teacher MILF stuff—really specific and kind of degrading, honestly. we’ve been together for 18 months, long distance, only seen each other 3 times because of work. i always thought we were close, emotionally at least. we talk every night, send little voice notes, he even writes me dumb poems sometimes. but now i just can’t stop thinking about him watching that stuff, getting off to it, while texting me “goodnight baby” like nothing. i feel so gross. i didn’t even know he was into that. when i confronted him he said “it’s just fantasy” and “everyone looks at porn,” which, okay, maybe, but this feels different. it doesn’t feel like fantasy. it feels like he’s hiding a whole side of himself. i don’t even know if i can be intimate with him when we finally meet next month. part of me wants to block him and run. the other part still loves him. idk. maybe i’m overreacting but… what the hell do i do
i just want to feel safe again

Omar Hassan · Answer

Yeah I’ve been there — found my ex’s search history during a late night video call, thought I’d be fine, totally wasn’t. Started with dumb stuff like “cute dog videos” then spiraled into things that made my stomach turn. What hit hardest wasn’t the porn itself but how specific it was, like it painted this whole fantasy world I didn’t belong in. Took me weeks to even bring it up, but when I did, we actually talked. Not yelled, not broke up, just sat on the phone and tried to be real. Maybe that’s where you start? Not with accusations, but with “I saw something and it messed me up — can we talk?” You don’t gotta forgive or forget right away. But get clear on what it meant to you, & whether he’s willing to see your side without getting defensive. My thing was realizing I wasn’t competing with his porn — it was more about honesty. Still stings sometimes but at least we faced it

how do i get over finding out my long-distance boyfriend watches milfs?

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