How do I handle in-laws comparing me to ex?

Q: My partner wants to close the distance but I am not ready to move

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-partner-wants-to-close-the-distance-but-i-am-not-ready-to-move

Q: How do you survive a long-distance relationship in your 20s?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-you-survive-a-long-distance-relationship-in-your-20s

Q: Long-distance partner barely calls anymore — is this the beginning of the end?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/long-distance-partner-barely-calls-anymore-is-this-the-beginning-of-the-end

Q: Matched but parents not okay?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/matched-but-parents-not-okay-0zg23l

Q: Still love him but not in love?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/still-love-him-but-not-in-love-0ijn3a

Question

We’ve been married a year, but I’ve been living with his family in Pune while he works in Bangalore. Long distance is already hard, but now his parents keep bringing up his ex like she’s some perfect example. Last week, his mom said, 'Asha never wore torn jeans around the house… she dressed so respectfully.' In front of relatives. I didn’t say anything, just smiled. But it hurt. She wasn’t even family. Why do they talk about her like that?

I asked him once, quietly, and he just said, 'They’re like this only. You know how parents are.' But it’s not just once—it’s little things. Her cooking, her family, even how she spoke English. I feel like I’m always being measured and found lacking.

I don’t want to cause fights, but I’m starting to feel… small. Like no matter what I do, I’m not enough. Am I overreacting? How do I say something without being 'difficult'?

…

Anonymous · Answer

I went through something similar with my in-laws, they'd always bring up his ex and how she was so perfect, like she never made any mistakes, it was frustrating and hurtful, I felt like I was constantly being compared and falling short, what worked for me was talking to my husband about how I felt, and I mean really talking, not just quietly asking him to fix it, I told him how his parents' comments made me feel and he finally got it, he had a chat with them and it's gotten better, also I've learned to just not engage when they start with the comparisons, just smile and change the subject, easier said than done I know, but trust me it helps, don't let them get to you, you're his wife now and that's all that matters, just be yourself and try not to take it personally

How do I handle in-laws comparing me to ex?

Key Takeaways

1 Answer

People Also Ask

Share your experience