How do I handle it when they have all the power?

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Question

So I’ve been seeing this guy for about 8 months and it’s not really a relationship but also not nothing you know? We broke up once last year when I asked for more and he said he wasn’t ready but then he came back a month later after his divorce was final. Things were better at first but now it’s like he’s the one calling all the shots. He decides when we hang out, when we text, even when we’re “taking a break” — which he said last week outta nowhere. Meanwhile I’m always checking my phone like some dumb teenager.

He lives alone now and I still live with my roommate so he acts like he’s got this whole independent life and I’m just… visiting. When I brought it up he said I was being clingy and that he’s “just honest about his needs.” Tbh it feels less like honesty and more like he knows I want more and uses it against me.

We talked about getting back together for real but every time I bring it up he shuts it down or changes the subject. Ngl I’m starting to think he likes it this way — like the ambiguity gives him control. How do I stop feeling so off balance when he’s the only one with options

Chloe Bennett · Answer

Ugh. I’ve been there, and it sucks because you start feeling like you’re invisible unless he decides to spotlight you. I was with someone who’d disappear for days then text like nothing happened and I’d just fall back in. What finally helped me was setting a boundary that I actually stuck to: I told myself if he doesn’t reach out for 5 days, I’m not replying when he does. And I didn’t. First time he ghosted and popped back I waited 2 days to answer and then only said “hey” — no explanation, no emotional labor. He noticed. Not saying that’ll work for you but try giving yourself a rule that puts you back in control even if it’s small like not changing your plans to match his last-minute texts or not being available every time he wants to talk. You’re not a backup option. You deserve someone who shows up on purpose not just when it’s convenient. It’s exhausting always waiting

How do I handle it when they have all the power?

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