How do I handle my boyfriend avoiding marriage?

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Question

We’ve been together 4 years and every time I bring up marriage he shuts down. Like full ghost mode for days. Last month I found out he was talking to his ex on the side just casual stuff he says but still. He claims he’s not ready but then goes and does things that make me question everything. We live together, he calls me his wife sometimes like joking but I see how he lights up when he thinks about the future with other people. Honestly it’s exhausting. I love him but I’m 31 and I want something real. Last week we went to my cousin’s wedding and he barely danced with me like he was there but not present you know. Afterward I asked if events like that make him think about us and he said he dont know what he wants. That kinda broke me a little. I’m not asking for a ring tomorrow but some effort would be nice. One friend said he’s probably never going to commit and I’m just hoping he changes. Idk if I should just walk away or try harder. We’ve had so many good times but this limbo is killing me lol. How do you know when to hold on or let go

Clara Fischer · Answer

My boyfriend did the exact same thing — shut down, disappeared for days, all the silent treatment drama. I kept making excuses for him until I realized he wasn’t avoiding the conversation, he was avoiding the commitment. And that’s on him, not you.

Like, I thought if I just waited, gave space, dropped hints, he’d come around. Nope. What finally changed things? I stopped asking and gave him a real choice. I said, 'I love you, but I need marriage in the next year. If that’s not where you’re headed, we should face that now.'

Turns out he wasn’t ready — and worse, he was keeping his options open. The ex thing? That’s not 'casual,' that’s a backup plan.

I know it sucks, but you deserve someone who’s excited to build with you, not someone who bolts at the mention of a ring. Set the timeline. See if he steps up or steps out. Either way, you win by getting clarity

How do I handle my boyfriend avoiding marriage?

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