how do i handle 'see other people' talk?

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Question

she said we should see other people while staying together because she doesn’t believe in possessive love. we’ve been together three years, live in the same apartment in Lyon, share a cat, plan holidays together — it’s not some fling. i told her i love her, that i want something lasting, and she smiled like it was sweet but naive. said love shouldn’t cage anyone.

i get it, maybe. in theory. my parents stayed married, never cheated, but barely spoke after year twenty. maybe she’s trying to avoid that. but when she said it, i felt… replaced already. like i’m just one option.

last week she went to Marseille for a friend’s birthday. came back late, wouldn’t say where she slept. said i was suffocating her by asking. told me to read de Beauvoir if i wanted to understand freedom in relationships.

i don’t want to police her. but i don’t know how to love someone fully while pretending not to care if they leave. 
it’s complicated, as these things are.

Sophia Martinez · Answer

happened to me too, with someone i thought was my person. we shared a kitchen, a dog, dreams… then she said the same thing about love not being a cage. i tried to go along with it for a month, pretending it didn’t eat at me every time she went on a date. truth is, i couldn’t stop comparing myself to them, wondering what they had that i didn’t. it made me quiet, weirdly jealous, not myself.

what helped? i sat down alone and asked: can I honestly be happy if she’s with someone else and i’m fine with it? and the answer was no… not for me. so i told her. not in anger, just honesty. said i love her but can’t fake freedom when i feel loss. we cried, it hurt like hell but i slept better that night.

you don’t have to choose open or closed love — you get to choose what lets you love fully without shrinking. my peace came from walking away. might not be yours. but clarity comes from asking yourself what you really need, not what sounds noble.

how do i handle 'see other people' talk?

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