How do I leave when the good memories keep pulling me back?

Q: How do I stop being jealous of my partner friends of the opposite gender?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-i-stop-being-jealous-of-my-partner-friends-of-the-opposite-gender

Q: I have trust issues because of my parents relationship — how do I stop projecting?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/i-have-trust-issues-because-of-my-parents-relationship-how-do-i-stop-projecting

Q: My girlfriend hides her phone from me — should I be worried?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-girlfriend-hides-her-phone-from-me-should-i-be-worried

Q: My partner snooped through my journal and I feel violated

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-partner-snooped-through-my-journal-and-i-feel-violated

Q: He never says 'I love you' — is that normal?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/he-never-says-i-love-you-is-that-normal-d6tc4v

Question

I love him but... every time I pack my bag or tell myself 'this is it,' something pulls me back. Like last night, I found that old Polaroid of us at Iguazú Falls — remember how we got caught in the rain and laughed the whole way back? Moments like that hit me in the chest. But then I remember the lies. The way he looks at his phone like I’m not in the room. The promises to go to therapy that never happen.

I love him but he’s been distant for months, and every time I bring it up, he says I’m too intense. My mom keeps asking when we’ll fix things, like marriage is something you glue back together no matter what. But I’m so tired of feeling alone in our own home.

Last week I told him I was leaving. He broke down, said he’d change, took me to that little empanada place we used to go to. One night of kindness and I stayed. Again.

I love him but… am I just holding on because I’m afraid of being no one without him?

Karthigan Balaji · Answer

i kept a shoebox under my bed too... photos, ticket stubs, that stupid concert wristband — all of it glowed when i was lonely. i’d pull it out after a bad day and suddenly the good times felt like they were happening all over again. but then i’d remember how he’d ghost me for days, how he’d promise to call and wouldn’t, how i started editing myself just to stay small enough to fit in his life.

what helped me was setting a hard rule: no more conversations that loop. if i brought up us and he shut down or deflected, i’d leave the room. no pleading, no rephrasing — just walk. and i stopped packing and unpacking. one day i just took my stuff in two trips while he was at work. felt awful… then weirdly light.

you don’t have to stop loving him to leave. you just have to stop lying to yourself about what’s real. the memories are true but so are the lies. and you deserve someone who doesn’t make you beg for attention... someone who shows up

How do I leave when the good memories keep pulling me back?

Key Takeaways

1 Answer

People Also Ask

Share your experience