How do I stop my parents' divorce from ruining my relationship?

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Question

my parents just told us they’re splitting after 28 years and honestly it’s wrecking me. my partner, Jamie, has been so patient but I keep snapping at them over nothing. like last night they forgot to text and I spiraled thinking they were cheating or pulling away. I know it’s not fair but every time I see my mom crying or my dad packing boxes I just feel like love is a lie you know. we’ve been together 3 years and it’s the most stable thing in my life but now I can’t stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. I even looked through Jamie’s phone last week which I’ve NEVER done before. they didn’t even get mad just said they’re worried about me. which makes me feel worse. I love them so much and I don’t want to mess this up but every time I try to talk about my parents I shut down. it’s like I’m scared if I say the wrong thing it’ll push Jamie away. and maybe part of me thinks they’ll leave once they see how messed up I am. not sure if that makes sense. just feel stuck

Isabella Rossi · Answer

my mom and dad split after 20+ years and i was a mess. i remember yelling at my partner for leaving the dishes in the sink — not about the dishes, obviously. what helped me most was saying out loud, right to Jamie, 'i’m scared you’re gonna leave too.' sounded dumb but it broke the tension. i started texting them little stuff like 'saw a dumb cat video and thought of u' just to rewire my brain that love can stick around. also? carved out one night a week just for us, no heavy talks, no family drama — just dumb tv or takeout. felt forced at first but it grounded me. ngl it took months before i stopped flinching every time my phone didn’t buzz. but showing up, even when i was pissed or quiet, made all the difference. love isn’t a lie — it’s just messy sometimes. and honestly? jamie’s still with you. that means something. lol

How do I stop my parents' divorce from ruining my relationship?

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