how do i survive being a wife in japan?

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Question

i moved to tokyo for my husband’s job three years ago and promised i’d try my best to be a good wife and mom but honestly im drowning i work full time as a graphic designer and my son is 4 and i feel like everyone’s watching me all the time like if i don’t have bentos made from scratch or the house spotless or i miss a school event because of a deadline i’m failing as a mother and a wife my mom back in california says just do what you can but it’s not that simple here people notice if you’re not doing the extra stuff like sewing name tags on every uniform or attending every single pta meeting and my husband doesn’t get it he loves me but he grew up here and thinks this is just how it is so he doesn’t see the pressure i’m under plus we’re basically co-parenting long distance during the week because he’s gone for work trips so much and im solo most nights with our son and i love him i do but im so tired i can’t keep pretending i’ve got this together i don’t even know what i’m asking for maybe just someone to tell me it’s ok if the house is messy sometimes or if i outsource dinner once in a while or if i just want to sit on the couch and cry

Daniel Cooper · Answer

When I moved to Osaka with my husband, I thought I could juggle everything too — full-time job, perfect bento boxes, PTA events — but after six months I was surviving on coffee and guilt. What saved me? Letting go of 'perfect.' I started buying bento from the konbini and telling myself it’s not laziness it’s survival. I also picked one thing to do 'well' each week — like showing up to school pickup with clean hair — and let the rest slide. Found a mom group on LINE through my son’s preschool and ngl most of us are just faking it. One friend swaps store-bought snacks with a smile and no one cares. I started blocking out work deadlines on the school calendar so when I miss something they at least know in advance. People might notice but they don’t *do* anything about it. My mantra now: good enough is fine. Also, I hide chocolate in the laundry room and eat it when no one’s looking — works every time. You’re not failing you’re just in a hard place and that’s defenately not the same thing.

how do i survive being a wife in japan?

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