How do I trust again after he got violent?

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Question

I really thought I was safe with him you know? Everyone said he was such a good guy from a solid family polite always respectful to his mom. We dated for two years everything seemed fine. After we got married though it started small like him getting annoyed if I texted late or wore something he didnt like then it got worse. He shoved me once when I forgot to buy his favorite soda. I stayed because he cried after said he was stressed at work and promised it wouldnt happen again but it did. Last week he threw a plate near my head while yelling about dinner being cold. I left and stayed with my sister but I cant stop thinking did I miss the signs? Was I stupid? I trusted him so much and now I feel like I cant trust anyone not even guys who seem nice. Part of me wants to go back because I still love him but the other part is terrified. And honestly idk if me being non-binary has anything to do with it he never really talked about it but sometimes he made jokes that stung. Can people really change or am I just making excuses?

Fatima Al-Zahra · Answer

I stayed with someone like that for three years — thought if I just loved him enough things would change. they didn’t. what helped me most was calling a domestic violence hotline, not because i thought i was ‘in danger’ but because i needed someone neutral to say out loud: no, this isn’t okay. they helped me pack a bag during one of his night shifts — just clothes, my ID, some cash, nothing dramatic. i left it at my sister’s. having that escape ready made it easier when the moment came. if you’re even asking this question — if you’re typing out “last w” and stopping — part of you already knows. trust that part. start small: screenshot the texts, hide a charger in your glovebox, tell one person you trust what’s really going on. i thought i was trapped too — turns out safety starts with tiny things you do before you’re ready to leave. you don’t have to figure it all out tonight. just take one step — idk, maybe lock this convo and screenshot it. that’s what i did.

How do I trust again after he got violent?

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