How do I trust him forever without a ring?

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Question

So we've been together 7 years — living together the whole time — and he keeps saying marriage isn’t for him. his parents had a brutal divorce, so he’s got that scarred vibe, which I get. but sometimes I wonder… if we’re not ever gonna marry, does that mean I’m just… the long-term backup plan?

last week his aunt passed and in her will, she left everything to her husband. made me think — if something happened to him, I’d have nothing. not legally, not officially. and that scared me more than I wanted to admit.

he says he’s all in, but he still hasn’t updated his medical proxy or anything. when i brought it up, he got quiet — then said “you know i’d want you to be the one.” but words aren’t enough sometimes.

how do you feel secure with someone who won’t make it legal? am I being unfair wanting more than just promises? i love him, but the older i get the more i worry i’m settin myself up to get hurt.

— and yeah, i know people divorce all the time. but at least they had the paperwork. we’ve got nothing but good days and hope.

Anonymous · Answer

my partner said the same thing for years — marriage was a no-go because of his parents’ mess. we’d been together nine years living in the same apartment eating cereal off the same coffee table when i finally sat him down & said ‘if we’re not doing this i need to know’ it wasn’t about the ring it was about protection

so we did a cohabitation agreement. not sexy but holy crap did it help. we listed our assets added medical power of attorney & even talked about pets. felt weird at first but now i sleep better knowing if something happens i’m not left scrambling

also started contributing to a joint savings for legal stuff — not big amounts just enough to feel in control

you’re not backup because you’re there every day loving him. but love shouldn’t mean risking everything. talk to a lawyer even just once. peace of mind is worth more than a ring

How do I trust him forever without a ring?

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