How do I trust someone new after cheating?

Q: I emotionally cheated and I cannot forgive myself

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Q: I found out my partner has a dating profile — we have been together for a year

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Q: How do you rebuild trust after your partner cheated?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-you-rebuild-trust-after-your-partner-cheated

Q: Can a relationship survive infidelity if both partners want it to?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/can-a-relationship-survive-infidelity-if-both-partners-want-it-to

Q: He promised to come back after 2 years… it's been 5

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/he-promised-to-come-back-after-2-years-its-been-5-t2m6tz

Question

So I was with my ex for 4 years and found out he’d been seeing someone for the last 6 months. Total blindsider. We lived together, I even met his parents like we were the real deal. I stayed way too long trying to “fix” things after it came out but eventually left. It’s been 10 months now and I’ve been talking to this really sweet guy. He’s kind, puts effort in, remembers little things I say… total green flags. But every time he says “I’m serious about getting to know you” or “I think you’re amazing,” I shut down a little. Like… part of me just waits for the other shoe to drop. Last week he invited me to a friend’s party and I panicked and made up a work thing. I feel dumb. He hasn’t given me any reason to doubt him, but I keep replaying my ex in my head. How do you even start trusting again when the last person who said “you’re the one” was lying the whole time? I don’t want to mess this up but idk how to turn off the fear

Anonymous · Answer

I remember sitting on my couch last year — same spot I found the texts from my ex — and thinking I’d never be able to believe anyone again. Took me a minute to even go on a date. But this guy you’re talking about? The one who remembers your coffee order and texts you that dumb cat video you mentioned? Hold up — don’t push him away just because the last guy sucked.

What helped me wasn’t waiting to “feel ready” — that took forever — but setting little tests. Like, I’d say something small and see if he really listened. Or I’d mention plans and check if he followed through. Not sneaky stuff — just paying attention. And when he did the right thing? I let myself enjoy it.

Definately still got nervous when he said “this feels serious” — my stomach flipped like, oh god here we go — but I told him. Not the whole trauma dump, just like, “I’m really into you but I’m kinda jumpy after my last thing, ngl.” He didn’t run. Actually said he was glad I told him.

Keep going slow. Keep noticing what he does, not just what he says. And if he keeps showing up? Let yourself believe it — a little at a time.

How do I trust someone new after cheating?

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