How do you keep the spark alive after 15 years of marriage?

Q: My spouse wants an open marriage and I am devastated

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-spouse-wants-an-open-marriage-and-i-am-devastated

Q: My husband stopped talking to me after our baby was born

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-husband-stopped-talking-to-me-after-our-baby-was-born

Q: Is it normal to feel lonely in a marriage?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-feel-lonely-in-a-marriage

Q: My wife and I disagree on how to raise our kids — it is tearing us apart

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-wife-and-i-disagree-on-how-to-raise-our-kids-it-is-tearing-us-apart

Q: Why so cold?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/why-so-cold-r3dw76

Question

My wife and I have been together since college. We have a great partnership — we parent well, manage finances together, support each other. But the romance is basically gone. Date nights feel forced. Intimacy is infrequent. We are more like business partners running a household. People who have been married 15+ years and still feel genuinely excited about their partner — what is your secret?

Doveth Community · Accepted Answer

Married 22 years here. A few things that genuinely help:

1. Separate interests — you need to miss each other sometimes. If you are always together, there is nothing new to share.
2. Physical touch that is not about sex — hold hands, random hugs, kiss for more than a peck.
3. Be curious about each other. People change. Ask "what are you thinking about lately?" and actually listen.
4. Plan experiences, not just dinners. Take a cooking class, go hiking, visit a museum. Shared novelty reignites things.
5. Talk about your desires openly. After 15 years, you both have unspoken wishes. Say them.

The spark does not "stay" — you actively rebuild it, over and over.

How do you keep the spark alive after 15 years of marriage?

Key Takeaways

1 Answer

People Also Ask

Share your experience