My spouse wants an open marriage and I am devastated

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Question

After 10 years of marriage, my husband told me he wants to open our relationship. He says he loves me but feels "trapped" by monogamy. I feel crushed. To me, this means I am not enough. He says that is not what it means. How do you even begin to process this? Is our marriage already over?

Kate Morales · Accepted Answer

Your feelings are completely valid. The request itself does not mean your marriage is over, but it does mean you both need to have very honest conversations about what you each need. His desire does not invalidate your pain. If he is asking, the best thing you can do is ask for time — and ideally get into couples therapy before making any decisions. Do NOT agree to something that violates your boundaries just to keep the peace. That road leads to resentment and breakdown.

My spouse wants an open marriage and I am devastated

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