Is it normal to hand over half my salary to his parents?

Q: My partner wants to close the distance but I am not ready to move

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/my-partner-wants-to-close-the-distance-but-i-am-not-ready-to-move

Q: How do you survive a long-distance relationship in your 20s?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-you-survive-a-long-distance-relationship-in-your-20s

Q: Long-distance partner barely calls anymore — is this the beginning of the end?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/long-distance-partner-barely-calls-anymore-is-this-the-beginning-of-the-end

Q: Still love him but not in love?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/still-love-him-but-not-in-love-0ijn3a

Q: Matched but parents not okay?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/matched-but-parents-not-okay-0zg23l

Question

So I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now — we're not married but our families know about us & have even done Kundli matching. He’s from a small town in UP and I work in Bangalore. For the past 6 months he’s been asking me to send half my salary directly to his mom every month. He says it’s cultural & that it’s expected since his dad passed away. I thought it was temporary but it’s become a thing — like if I don’t send it on time he gets quiet and distant.

I make decent money but rent here is insane and after sending ₹40k to his family I’m left with barely enough to eat some days. I told him I’m struggling and he said I should cut down on 'unnecessary expenses' like groceries delivery & Zomato.

I love him but this feels off. His attachment style is anxious and he guilt trips me if I question anything. Like he’ll say 'my mom prays for you every night' or 'you’re the daughter she never had'. I don’t even know his mom.

Am I being selfish? Or is this just a red flag I’m ignoring because I don’t want to lose him?

Jackson Lee · Answer

so i've been in similar situations before and honestly it's a huge red flag... like my cousin was in a relationship where she was sending money to her boyfriend's family every month and it just didn't end well. she felt trapped and guilty all the time.  my advice would be to have a calm and honest conversation with your boyfriend about how you're feeling - tell him you care about his family but you can't keep sending half your salary. see how he reacts, if he's understanding then great but if not... you need to rethink this relationship. also, just a thought, have you considered talking to his mom directly? maybe there's been a misunderstanding somewhere

Is it normal to hand over half my salary to his parents?

Key Takeaways

1 Answer

People Also Ask

Share your experience