Is it normal we fight when talking about our future?

Q: I emotionally cheated and I cannot forgive myself

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/i-emotionally-cheated-and-i-cannot-forgive-myself

Q: I found out my partner has a dating profile — we have been together for a year

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/i-found-out-my-partner-has-a-dating-profile-we-have-been-together-for-a-year

Q: How do you rebuild trust after your partner cheated?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/how-do-you-rebuild-trust-after-your-partner-cheated

Q: Can a relationship survive infidelity if both partners want it to?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/can-a-relationship-survive-infidelity-if-both-partners-want-it-to

Q: He promised to come back after 2 years… it's been 5

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/he-promised-to-come-back-after-2-years-its-been-5-t2m6tz

Question

Honestly, every time I bring up plans—like maybe moving out or saving for something real—he shuts down or says I’m pushing too hard. It’s like that naman eh, with how things are. He’s still technically married to his first wife, annulled but paperwork dragging, and his family makes it weird. I’m his second, so I already feel like I’m walking on eggshells.

But recently it’s worse. I told him I wanted to at least talk about our timeline, even engagement, and he snapped, said I don’t understand his pressure. I do! But I’m 38, I can’t keep pretending we’re just ‘figuring things out’ forever.

We love each other, yes, but every convo about future turns into a fight. He accuses me of comparing us to others, I say I just want security, then it’s silence for days.

Am I asking too much? Or is this how it always is when you're not the 'original' wife? I’m tired. I want to stay, but I also want to matter. 💔

Grace Mwangi · Answer

I won’t lie to you—trying to build something solid with a man who’s still tangled in his old life? That’s heavy. I’ve been there, thinking if I just love patient enough, he’ll catch up. But my auntie once told me: you don’t dig two holes hoping one fills. You focus where the water is.

My guy took 3 years sorting that annulment, and his mama still called me "the other one" in church. I kept pushing for plans, and every time he'd shut down like I was chasing him with a knife. Turned out, he wasn’t ready—even if he said he was.

Sit with that truth: if he can’t talk about your future without snapping, then the problem isn’t you pushing. It’s that he’s not there. And no amount of praying or waiting will speed up a man who’s stuck.

Ask yourself: how long you willing to be the secret future? Because God when? ❤️

Is it normal we fight when talking about our future?

Key Takeaways

1 Answer

People Also Ask

Share your experience