Is it pointless if he won’t marry me?

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Question

we’ve been living together for almost 3 years now and honestly it’s been mostly great. we have a routine, we split bills, he cooks when i’m tired and i do his laundry because he hates it. we even got a dog together last year and named her Nibha Nibhi which sounds silly but it means something to us. but every time i bring up marriage even casually like seeing a wedding dress in a shop or a friend’s invite he shuts down. says he doesn’t believe in marriage like it’s some outdated system. i get that but it hurts. i always thought i’d get married not because i need to but because i want to with someone i love. he says we’re basically married anyway but it’s not the same. i don’t want a big fancy thing just the promise the legal stuff the commitment in front of people who matter. i’ve started wondering am i just wasting my time. like is he ever gonna change his mind or am i gonna be the girl who lives with her boyfriend forever waiting for something that’ll never happen. i love him but this is eating at me. what do i even do

Yuki Tanaka · Answer

my partner said the same thing for years — 'marriage is a scam,' 'piece of paper,' all that. we were together five years, had a kid, bought a house, but i kept feeling this little ache. so i stopped asking and started watching. how he showed up when i was sick, how he talked about the future, whether he made plans without me. turns out, actions really do louder. one day i said 'i need to know if we’re building toward something, because i want a ring and i want a name and i want all that dumb stuff.' he didnt answer right away. but two weeks later he took me to breakfast and slid a napkin across the table with 'will you marry me?' scribbled on it. messy. perfect. point is — you deserve to know where you stand. have the real talk, not about marriage but about forever. what does that look like to him. and if it dont include you standing beside him in front of people you love, saying vows or not… maybe this is just as far as it goes. and that’s okay too

Is it pointless if he won’t marry me?

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