Is it real when they say the affair made them love me more?

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Question

So my boyfriend of 3 years cheated back in July. It was messy — turns out it was with someone from his office who he'd been flirting with for months. We went to counseling & he ended things with her right away, which I guess counts for something? But ever since then, he keeps saying crazy stuff like "going through that made me realize how much I really love you" & "I've never felt this sure about us." Like... what? How does hurting me make him love me more?

I'm trying to heal but it's so confusing. Part of me wants to believe him because I still love him, but another part feels like he's just saying it to fix things. We're both Cancer & he swears astrology explains it — like, "Cancers protect what they almost lose" or whatever. But does that even matter if the damage is already done?

I keep thinking maybe he didn't value me until he risked losing me, which sucks, because I was always here. Feels gross to admit, but I'm scared I'll never feel safe again. Is this kind of realization even real or is it just guilt in disguise? Does the fact that we're both water signs make this more likely to work or am I grasping at straws?

#reconciliation #self-worth

James Thompson · Answer

Honestly I got the same line after my ex cheated and it made me want to scream — how does lying to me suddenly make you more in love? I thought maybe he was just saying it to fix things but over time I realized something: the affair didn’t make him love me more it made him afraid of losing me and that’s not the same thing. I stayed at first because he seemed so intense about us like every date night was a performance and I fell for it but then the little things started slipping again — late texts left on read stuff I used to trust just felt off. What helped me was setting hard boundaries not for him but for me — like no more phone checks no crying in secret I started going to therapy for myself and that’s when I saw clearly. You deserve love that doesn’t come with mind games. You can’t build trust on someone else’s guilt it has to be built on actions not words. And if you’re anything like me you’re already overthinking this so stop talking to him about it for a minute and ask yourself what you actually need

Is it real when they say the affair made them love me more?

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