Is it wrong to ask my wife not to tell her mom everything?

Q: Stuck in a situationship for 2 years — how do I get out?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/stuck-in-a-situationship-for-2-years-how-do-i-get-out

Q: Can a friends-with-benefits situation ever turn into a real relationship?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/can-a-friends-with-benefits-situation-ever-turn-into-a-real-relationship

Q: Why do people say "I am not looking for anything serious" and then act like they are?

This question has 2 answers from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/why-do-people-say-i-am-not-looking-for-anything-serious-and-then-act-like-they-are

Q: Why won’t he call me his girlfriend in public?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/why-wont-he-call-me-his-girlfriend-in-public-7gtuds

Q: Married for love... was I wrong?

This question has 1 answer from the Doveth community. Read more at https://doveth.com/questions/married-for-love-was-i-wrong-ui6sq0

Question

Okay so last night we had a dumb argument about whose turn it was to do dishes and it was over in like 20 minutes but next day I find out she told her mom the whole thing even the part where I said 'whatever' and walked off and her mom texted me saying 'give my daughter a break sometimes' like what the hell

Like I get that she wants to talk to her mom but we’re talking about every single little thing even the stuff that doesn’t matter like when I left my socks on the couch or when we argued about what movie to watch and now her mom gives me these side-eye compliments like 'at least you show up for family dinners' and it makes me feel like I’m constantly being judged

We’ve got a 3-year-old and I know co-parenting stuff matters but this feels personal and honestly kind of humiliating I don’t want to start keeping score or shut her off entirely but I need some space you know

I’m a Cancer and she’s a Leo and her mom’s a Scorpio so maybe zodiac stuff plays a role but idk if that’s excusing it

How do I bring this up without sounding like I don’t want her talking to her mom at all? I just want her to maybe not share every single thing especially the petty fights that we already worked out

And yeah I said 'whatever' but I apologised like five minutes later… she still told her mom tho

help

Anonymous · Answer

my wife used to do the same thing and honestly it drove me up the wall. i’d say something snarky about the thermostat and suddenly her mom’s calling to remind me that 'not everyone runs a sauna.' it felt like i couldn’t sneeze without it becoming a family update.

we finally sat down and talked about it not during a fight but over coffee, calm. i told her it’s not that she can’t talk to her mom — she absolutely can — but i need some stuff to stay between us. like, the socks on the couch? that’s ours. the dishes? we handled it. no need to bring in backup for a 10-minute squabble.

we made a joke about it — 'is this a mom-level issue or a us-level issue?' — and it helped. now she still vents to her mom sometimes, but filters it. and i try to be more aware of how i walk away, tbh.

just talk to her. not to win, but so she gets why it stings.

Is it wrong to ask my wife not to tell her mom everything?

Key Takeaways

1 Answer

People Also Ask

Share your experience