is real love supposed to be this boring?

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Question

okay so my fiancé is great. really. he pays bills on time, remembers my mom’s birthday, never raises his voice… but sometimes i wonder if something’s wrong with me. last night i was watching this old telenovela — you know, the dramatic ones where the guy shows up in the rain screaming 'no puedo vivir sin ti' — and i started crying. not because it’s sad, but because… i don’t feel that. not even close.

we’ve been together 4 years, engaged 10 months. he says 'I love you' like it’s a fact, not a fire. no grand gestures, no surprise trips, no yelling passionately in the street. and when i brought it up, he got quiet and said 'i’m not that kind of person' like it’s a personality trait, not a lack of feeling.

am i being unreasonable? i don’t want fake drama, but sometimes i miss feeling wanted like i’m the only woman in the world. or is that just tv messing with my head? …maybe i’m embarrassed to even ask this but it’s keeping me up at night.

i just want to know if real love is supposed to feel… quiet. like a Sunday morning. or should it also hurt a little? burn a little?

Anonymous · Answer

I used to sit on my bathroom floor eating graham crackers & crying during Bridgerton, same vibe. My husband’s love language is fixing the garbage disposal without being asked, not leaping over fences like Mr. Darcy. Took me a while to realize: the drama I missed wasn’t missing love, just a different flavor of it.

But here’s what helped — I started scheduling ‘stupid’ dates. Like, one night we drove to the 24-hour diner in pajamas, ordered pancakes, didn’t talk much. Another time we slow danced in the kitchen to a song we both hate. Tiny sparks, not fireworks. He was game, once I just… asked.

Turns out, I wasn’t broken — just craving expression, not bail money or grand speeches. We added little rituals: one dramatic text per week (mine yesterday: 'if you die before me, I’m haunting you with passive-aggressive sticky notes').

Not all love shows up in thunderstorms, you know?
idk, maybe try one dumb, over-the-top gesture and see what happens

is real love supposed to be this boring?

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