Is this cheating if they say it's just friends?

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Question

So I found out my partner’s been talking to their ex for months. Like, daily texts and voice calls, even late at night. When I asked, they said it’s just friendship, that they’re just ‘catching up’ and ‘clearing the air.’ But they never told me. I had to find out from a cousin who saw their Instagram DMs.

We’re not married yet, but we’re engaged and living together — which, you know, is already a big deal with my family. My lola keeps asking when we’ll have the church blessing, and I feel so stupid now. Like, how can I face them if he’s still tied to someone else?

He says nothing physical happened, but it still feels like a lie. He even called me insecure for being upset. But hay naku, why hide it then? We go to Mass every Sunday, and I keep thinking — if it was innocent, why not just tell me? I don’t want to be that strict girlfriend, but it’s like he’s giving her pieces he promised to me. What do I even do?

Terence Chia · Answer

My partner did the same thing — said it was 'just friendship' with their ex while texting late every night. Ngl, I believed it at first too. But the secrecy? That’s the real problem. It’s not about banning exes, it’s about trust and transparency.

When I finally asked to see the messages, I found out they’d been planning meetups 'to talk' without telling me. That’s when I knew it wasn’t just 'catching up' — it was emotional reconnection.

Sit down with your partner — not to yell, but to say: 'I need to know if I’m your priority. If you’re sharing your days, nights, and feelings with someone else, that affects us.' Be clear: you’re not asking permission to be in their life, you’re asking for honesty.

And talk to your lola? Not about the drama — but ask her what trust means in a marriage. Her answer might give you clarity. You deserve peace, not just a blessing

Is this cheating if they say it's just friends?

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