Is this concern or control?

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Question

Every time I go out with friends, my wife texts me every single hour. 'Where you are?' 'Who are you with?' 'When you coming home?' She says it’s because she cares, but it doesn’t feel like care, you know? Last Saturday, I was at Junjun’s 30th birthday — just us guys, drinking, laughing, nothing shady — and she called three times in two hours. When I didn’t answer the third, she said, 'Akala ko naman mas responsible ka, Dante.' Like I’m some kid sneaking out.

I get it, loyalty is important. Tita Lita always said, 'Once you get married, your wife should be your world.' But this? It’s too much. I feel like I’m being watched, not loved. I tried talking to her, but she gets quiet, then says, 'Hindi mo lang naiintindihan kasi mahal kita.' Ganun ba? Is it normal to feel suffocated by 'love'? I love her, but I miss breathing. Is this what marriage means — giving up all space just to prove you’re not cheating? Feels very very unfair.

Iryna Shevchenko · Answer

I've been in your shoes before, my wife used to do the same thing and honestly it was suffocating... I felt like I was being treated like a kid, not a partner. What worked for me was having an open convo with her, telling her how her actions made me feel. I explained that I get she cares, but the constant texting and calling was more about control than care. I suggested we set a check-in time, like once during the night, so she knows I'm okay and I can have my space. You should try talking to your wife, Dante, see if you can find a balance that works for both of you

Is this concern or control?

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