Is this love or control?

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Question

So me and my girl been together 8 months. She got two kids, I’m tryna be cool with it, we talkin marriage eventually. But when I’m out with my boys — even just dinner or bowling — her texts start. "You good?" "Where you at?" "Who all there?" Every. Single. Hour. Say she just worried bout me but it don’t feel like worry it feel like she trackin me. Last time I was at Jamal’s cookout, she called three times in one hour. I let it slide, but then she asked me to FaceTime so she can "see for herself" I wasn’t at some bar. Bro. I’m 34 not 18. I get care but this feel like she don’t trust me or like I’m one of her kids. I tried talking, she said "You don’t understand how much I care" and started crying. Now I feel like the bad guy for even bringing it up. But I can’t live like this either. My dad always said a real man gotta have respect in his own home even if it ain’t blood. idk if I’m overreacting or if this gonna get worse 😑

Anonymous · Answer

My wife did the same thing first year we was married. Two kids, same situation — I stepped up, she got grateful, then it turned into checking my phone over dinner. In our culture, a man provides, woman runs the home, but she started acting like my mama, not my partner.

Had to sit down hard. Not with yelling — just truth. "You trust me or you don’t. If you trust me, stop counting my steps. If you don’t, tell me why, so we fix it."

I told her: if you need proof I’m there, come to the cookout next time. Bring the kids. But don't grill me like I’m dodging bullets.

Put your phone down once. Let him breathe. Love ain’t a leash.

She backed off when I stopped playing along. Took two weeks, not easy, but we better now.

Solid

Is this love or control?

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