Is this really just British culture or is it more?

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Question

So my husband’s been heading to the pub every night after work for like two years now he says it’s just what people do in the UK & that I’m overreacting I get that yeah people go out but every single night feels off you know last week he forgot our anniversary because he lost track of time at the pub again & when I brought it up he said I’m being too sensitive

We’re both in our early 30s & I love him but I’m starting to feel lonely like I’m married to someone who’d rather be anywhere else I’ve tried talking about it but he just laughs it off says I don’t understand British culture which maybe I don’t but I also don’t think culture explains forgetting your wife’s birthday twice

We’ve been trying to get pregnant and I’m worried about how this will look when there’s a kid in the picture am I being unreasonable for wanting him home more or is this normal for British couples I’ve never seen my parents do this & I grew up in the US but moved here for him

We’re both Cancer suns if that matters—supposedly we’re meant to value home & family but right now I feel like the only one showing up for us

love-language, Coming Out, Husband-Wife

Emma Johansson · Answer

My partner did something similar a few years back — said it was 'just pub culture' but I’d come home to cold dinners & a empty bed most nights. Felt like I was nagging just for wanting to spend time together. What helped us was setting a little rule: two pub nights a week, max. No big fight, just a calm chat over coffee, “I miss you, & it’s not working for me.” We even picked two nights together — Tues & Thurs — so it felt fair. Also started doing a thing where we have a 20-min catch-up when he gets home, no phone, just tea & a check-in. Sounds small but it made a real difference. If he goes over the two nights, we talk about it — not to blame, just figure out if something’s off. Honestly, it’s probably not *just* culture. If it was a mate, you’d tell them it’s a bit much, right? Try the hard chat — you’re not being sensitive, you’re asking to be seen. lol

Is this really just British culture or is it more?

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