Love him but not in love anymore?

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Q: Still love him but not in love?

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Question

we’ve been long distance for 2 years now… he’s in seoul finishing med school, i’m in la working at my dad’s clinic. everyone assumes we’re getting married — his parents, my mom, even my little sister joked about when i’m moving to korea. but lately i just feel… empty. i miss him, yeah, but when he talks about coming back next year, i don’t get that excited feeling. just pressure.

we talk every night but it’s like clockwork — “how was work?” “miss you” “love you” — and then silence. i used to save little stories for him, now i just scroll past his texts sometimes. my mom said i’m being selfish, that love isn’t just about feelings, it’s duty. but is it? or am i just scared of letting everyone down?

i still care about him. i do. but i don’t know if that’s enough anymore…

maybe i’m the problem

Marcus Webb · Answer

look i been married 12 years — said 'i do' at 21 'cause the baby was on the way and everybody was happy 'cept me deep down — felt that same weight you talkin' about like you already know the ending but scared to say it out loud. i get the script: keep up appearances, don’t hurt nobody, wait it out. but that clockwork love? that’s not love — that’s habit wearing love’s clothes. my wife and i tried fixin’ it with counseling, prayed on it, tried long distance when i worked in atlanta — but truth was we didn’t miss each other we missed the idea of each other. you gotta ask yourself — when you imagine your life, is he really in it? or are you just scared to start over? i ain’t sayin’ break up tomorrow but stop talkin’ just to check a box. try silence. text him when you *actually* feel somethin’ — not 'cause it’s 8pm and that’s what y’all do. see how that feels. you deserve more than a default life 😢

Love him but not in love anymore?

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