Married to escape family, now I'm stuck

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Question

So I’m 28, from a small town near Pune. My parents… they wouldn’t stop with the pressure. Marriages, setups, constant talk about ‘settling down’ like I’m some kind of project. I panicked, basically. Met this girl through a cousin—she seemed quiet, normal. We didn’t talk much, but everyone said it’s a good match. Horoscopes matched, she’s Brahmin, her family’s ‘respectable’. So we got married.

Now I’m in Mumbai, living in a 1BHK with her and her mom. And it’s worse. She cries if I don’t talk to her for two hours. Her mom watches everything I do. I can’t even wear shorts at home. I miss my space. I miss being alone.

I thought marriage would give me freedom from my parents, but now I feel like I jumped into another cage. I can’t talk to her—she takes everything so personally. And if I say anything, she says I don’t respect her family. I don’t even know who I am anymore.

Is this what everyone just accepts? Am I supposed to live like this forever? I just wanted to breathe, isn’t it?

Iris Coronel · Answer

i was you two years ago. married at 26 to someone i’d met four times because my mom said she’s good girl and my dad said horoscope’s perfect. we moved to pune and i felt like i’d traded one cage for another. what broke it open for me was sitting my wife down and just saying — not fighting, not blaming — that i feel like i’m disappearing. we started therapy after that. not the big dramatic kind just a quiet lady in our building who listens. try talking to your wife when her mom’s not around. say you’re struggling. not her fault. not your fault. the whole thing was rushed and that’s on the system not you. my wife and i now have a code word — ‘red’ — when one of us is drowning. gives us space without shame. you dont have to fix everything tonight. just open a window somewhere so you both can breathe

Married to escape family, now I'm stuck

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